‘Over the next two years I split my focus between my A-levels and the gym. I won a scholarship to Bournemouth University for a degree in Business Studies starting in the autumn of 2015. By then, I was fully immersed in the bodybuilding world. I’d jumped at the chance to compete in Bikini Fitness, loving the idea of a new challenge. This took me on a gruelling three month journey of strict dieting and vigorous training twice a day every day which had a major impact on my health. I was as low as 5% body fat and it had taken its toll, I could hardly string a sentence together.

‘After the competition was over, everything changed for me. My relationship with food and my body went into freefall. Both physically and mentally, I was in complete distress trying to break free from such a strict dieting routine and searching for a balance. I fell into a cycle of starving and binging, trapped in the motion day after day. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do, I felt completely alone.

‘And then I was banned from the gym. Looking back, I know this was a responsible decision from them but at the time it felt like my last lifeline was taken away. This horrendous and hellish starving and binging went on for three awful months. I didn’t recognise myself in the mirror, I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I should be doing. I was utterly lost and I couldn’t take anymore.

‘Despite this, I did have a powerful realisation, I felt like a yoga mat acted like a mirror, you become so aware of all that you are, thoughts you want to shed, everything. Moving on, I continued with the other practices I’d built up, and got creative with calligraphy and illustration, I found all of these extra activities such a strong part of my healing journey. I felt happier and happier until, three months later, I went back to yoga. I found a different teacher and a class that was perfect for me, and this is when I started my yoga journey for real.

‘That year I was blessed with the greatest birthday gift of all, my auntie and mum had booked a place for me on Mel’s retreat in Bali. These 14 days for me were the start of a new beginning, a new chapter of my journey, leaving all that I had gone through behind. I met other likeminded women, I made everyone a beautiful piece of calligraphy to keep, I explored the depths of self-love and body image work. My work with Mel was truly transformational and I thank her to this moment, she left such warmth in my heart and strength to continue on my path.

I found that when I immersed myself in my yoga, I got curious, and began to reach for more. My life shifted and a world full of possibilities revealed itself to me.

‘My yoga practice developed, I began building a home practice as well as a regular weekly class, it became my outlet, my expression, my greatest healer, healing my relationship with my mind and body, one yoga class at a time. Alongside my yoga and my job at Starbucks, I studied counselling and hypnotherapy part-time. I wanted to find meaningful work in my future, so that I could help others make positive change in their lives but also because I wanted a deeper understanding of my own experience, of how the mind works.

‘I started reading self-development and self-help books, I’d spend hours in Waterstones where I saw the most vibrant beautiful book cover I had ever seen, The Goddess Revolution, this book called to me. After reading the blurb, I felt this book was absolutely everything I needed and more. I was so excited, it was like the Author, Mel Wells was speaking my language, page for page, excitement, eye-opening, absolute hope. Later in the week, I sat down with my mum, I told her all about the book I was reading, and my mum discovered Mel Wells offered retreats.

‘When I got back from Bali, I started living more boldly, my mindset and outlook on life had taken a huge turn and it activated such spirituality and love within me. I walked into 2018 knowing I was ready to make big changes, I had overcome so much already and I knew I was ready to take on more.

‘I’d qualified in counselling and hypnotherapy and the next step for me was qualifying as a yoga teacher. Yoga had helped me so much and I wanted to learn how I could share this with other people who needed it. That’s how I found myself booked onto a 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training Course in Goa, India. Nervously Anticipating my arrival in Goa, I Googled “what to expect from Yoga Teacher Training”, it told me “Your life will be forever changed. You will cry, laugh, and shed tears of joy. You will do the weirdest shit ever. You will lose friends but make new ones. You will question your entire world. You will become a better person. You will be a yoga teacher.” And one thing’s for sure, all of that is true!

Before I even got home, I knew what I needed to do. I was – like Google said – going to be a yoga teacher. I was emailing studios back in the UK seeing if they had space for me to have my own class. And, luckily, I’d already built up a strong following on Instagram as I’d been sharing my recovery journey so I already had some people I know that would be keen on coming to my classes.

‘By the time I got home, I’d found a lovely little space to teach in, the same place I attended my first classes which was very special for me. I began teaching my own yoga classes which just felt amazing! These were part time alongside my job in management at Starbucks to begin with. It took a lot of time, hard work, patience, consistency, and most of all, love and self-belief to turn my passion into my full-time career but I did it, and am still doing it!

‘This community, my work, from regular classes to retreats, from the Loving Life App to Zoom classes, my heart and soul is in it, for all the dark nights I endured, where I couldn’t see the light, not even a star, I hope to be a light to remind people, that even in the darkest times, there is always a way forward. If I once felt like I couldn’t go on, I didn’t want to live anymore, to where I am now, anyone can turn their life around and if you are reading this I whole heartedly believe in you.’

Now, four years on, Lillie serves a community of over 100 yogis and has recently opened her own yoga and healing studio in Poole called Healing Haven. Lillie encourages the simple self-care practices that changed her life ‘I think from an outside perspective, some people who might not have been through it, see body image and eating disorders as attention seeking. But having been there myself and being completely alone in my battle, my views are different now.